We finally made it!! Self Control is last of Fruit of the Spirit series, since starting back in February. So, if you’ve missed some along away, no worries, you can go back and read! But today, let’s focus on SELF CONTROL, because it really is the key to plugging in to all the other Fruit of the Spirit in your life and being the kind of mother you want to be!




Self Control is a BIG one for us moms…


As the plate spinners and calendar keepers of the household, it’s HARD not to let something drop, or lose control every once in a while — It’s gonna happen right?! I’ve yet to have meet a mom that’s never struggled with this…including myself!

When we hear the word self control, it’s hard not to think, I must stay in control of not only myself, but a whole list of thingsincluding how my kids are behaving in public, what they are eating, how they are making friends and so many other things…that are honestly sometimes just out of our control and that’s okay!

We all try to set our kids and ourselves up for the best success, and that’s great, but I want this blog to be a breath of fresh air for you today, because at the end of the day, we only really give account for ONE THINGand that’s if we are walking with Jesus and teaching our kids to do the same…


We don’t actually have to be in control of everything moms…


It’s something you and I will actively have to lay down everyday, because it’s just something that we naturally do…try to control what we do, what others think of us and what they think of our kids…

But at the end of the day, the ONLY thing that matters, again, is how we are we walking with Jesus and teaching our kids to do the same…

So instead of calling this fruit of the Spirit, self control, since we often misinterpret that as something we are in control of ourselves….let’s call it being Spirit-controlled for this blog…


Let me explain this, so it makes more sense


To be self-controlled as the world thinks about it, would mean you are trying your best to make the decisions for yourself and your family—But we are human and our flesh is weak, so it’s only a matter of time before we crack and make a decision based on our feelings of stress, or anger, or worry, or what makes us the most happy…

But being Spirit-controlled is leaning into Jesus to make the best daily decisions, because we are full of the Spirit. So we are walking in: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness…all the fruits we have talked about so far.

As I was studying, I found that the greek meaning for the word self control, comes from two words:

En and Kratos” — En means to be ‘within’ and “Kratos” means ‘strength’ or ‘power.’ So what the literal translation means is to be “within strength” or “within power.”

That means you must be connected to the power source to operate self-control, and that power source is Jesus!


So how do you and I do this?! 


Whether your life feels out of control right now or you feel on top of life today, either way, Jesus is calling you and me to a life of being Spirit-controlled.

A lot of Christians mistake this for a list of to do and not to do—“Well if I do more of these good things and stop doing this list of sins, then that is self-controland I will be in good standing with the Lord” But that is just legalism, and that won’t work because no human can keep that up!


We must be Spirit-controlled FIRST and then let our decisions flow out from that


It’s something we have to actively choose to do every day moms—plug into that power source—and thankfully we are given direct access to Jesus through His Word and talking to Him in prayer…


Galatians 5:16 says:

“Walk in the Spirit and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh…”


So actively choosing to be spirit-controlled, is plugging into the power source of God’s Word and keeping communication going with Jesus all day long…Like this: “Lord help me hear…my kids are driving me crazy…I’m about to lose it!” (Haha) 

But seriously, in all situations, we must be spirit controlled FIRST and then let all of our decisions flow out from that…not the other way around! 


Pastor Adrian Rogers said this:

“God has wonderfully made you where you can’t think two thoughts at once, so if you’re thinking what you ought to be thinking, you won’t be able to think what you shouldn’t at the same time.”

Adrian Rogers


I’ve been reading through the book of John recently and the Lord gave me a picture to help me understand this thought of plugging into the power source…


It's John 15:5
“I'm the vine and you are the branches. Remain in me and you will bear much fruit, but apart from me you can do nothing.”


When I read this verse, I got this visual of Jesus being the vine–the backbone–the purpose and the strength or power source of our lives…

Then we all have stems off of our branches and different areas of our lives that must be connected to the vine…family relationships, motherhood, friendships, work, big life decisions and you can probably think of many others…but those are a few of the big ones right?

So for us to stay spirit controlled and keep these branches alive and healthy and fruitful, we must stay connected to the vine—and that’s Jesus…He is the thing that holds it all together! 


Colossians 1:17 says:
 “He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.”


Thinking through these verses, I thought about the tomato plant my boys and I planted at the beginning of the summer, and how huge it grew from being just a tiny plant at first….then grew BIG and was producing so many cherry tomatoes! As summer went on, my boys lost interest, and we were traveling, so it began to droop and dry up and not produce much fruit. As fall came, I had to cut off some of the dead branches and start watering it again and quickly it was revitalized!

And similarly, in the same simple way, we all go through dry spells. Sometimes we have to cut some unhealthy things out of our life and water our life with some Jesus time, so we can get that wisdom and all the Fruit of the Spirit from the vine–our power source, Jesus.

Self-control—or being Spirit-controlled as we are calling it for today, really is the avenue to having all the other Fruit of the Spirit in your life and being able to grow…Then you and I will be set up to make the wisest decisions and utilize all of the other Fruit of the Spirit in our lives…


Okay Mallory, that makes sense to me, but what do I do next?


And this is what I would say, even though it’s pretty simple:

Start walking

Make a choice today to be Spirit-controlled—it has to be your choice—to start your day with Jesus and staying connected to Him to hold all the things in your life together…

If left to you and me, we would run out of will power to keep things going and keep all the plates spinning in our life. We need Jesus to help us make the big decisions, to help us be better moms, to help us know what our purpose is in life, to help us be able to forgive and have healthy relationships and to know when to cut things out of our lives that are not healthy…


If you want more peace in your life mom—give it to Jesus!


It all starts by actively spending time with Jesus out of consistent obedience, even when you don’t feel like it, and giving over your fight to control and plugging into a spirit-controlled life!

This will change everything about your life and everything about the kind of mother you are!

Going back to what I said at that beginning: This is how you can set both yourself and your kids up for the best success, knowing we really only give account for one thing at the end of the day—and that is how are we walking with Jesus and teaching our kids to do the same!


Mom, if you need some help doing this…starting your days with Jesus time…

There are lots of Bible studies and resources available for you on our resources page. Also, for all these Fruit of the Spirit blogs and podcast episodes, I have referenced a devotional from my hosting ministry, Love Worth Finding, called “Walking in the Spirit” that would be a great daily quiet time tool for you to check out HERE!

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Thanks again for listening and remember to keep up the good work of pointing your kid to Jesus!